Talking, Listening, Arguing

A lot of people tell me that I am stupid and immature for arguing with them for well over an hour. Sometimes 2 hours, sometimes 3, 4… And probably ALL of those people don’t understand why I don’t stop debating the topic with them. The premise is simple.

Whenever I talk to people, it seems like most of the time it’s just everyone talking. You’re probably thinking, “Yea! Obviously! People talk in conversations!” Ok but the other side to conversing is called “listening“. Hearing what someone said and listening to what someone said are 2 separate issues. Most people only fulfill the talking part. They most likely aren’t even aware, but they’ll just keep talking and talking and talking without listening to a word the other person is saying. People who say, “I’m listening to you!” actually mean “I hear what you are saying, but I think you’re wrong and don’t care!” automatically making the conversation turn back to them. Sounds pretty selfish, right? It is! But can’t blame people since they probably are unaware of how they come off.

Secondly, if you want someone shut up in a short amount of time, all you have to do is make sure to listen. Personally, I don’t argue with people for 3 hours just for the purpose of “winning” because honestly, what am I winning from that anyway? Just satisfaction of winning? No. I do it because the entire time, I’m trying to get the other person to understand where I’m coming from. They don’t need to empathize – I don’t believe in the word empathy unless you’ve gone through the same experiences. If everyone learned to listen as well as they like to keep babbling, chances are EVERYONE’s relationships would be more successful. Whether it be friendships, marriages, or whatever else.

Many people claim to be good communicators because they supposedly have a way with words. Have a way with your ears too and that’s when you’re a good communicator! People will notice when you start to listen to them rather than selfishly talking all about yourself and your own thoughts. They WILL. Sometimes how you listen has more of an effect than how you speak. Unless you speak like you’re uneducated or you speak Pidgin. In that case, I suggest you start studying the English language. No offense to my home of Hawaii and all the “mokes”, but speaking like that is just one of the reasons mainlanders think were not as intelligent. However, the same idea applies to other areas. Talking like a hillbilly might be even worse. Again, no offense. Just opinions.

So Readers… You all should evaluate yourself to really see if you are listening as well as talking. I know sometimes when we get mad we might slip and be all self-centered. That’s called being Human. Rarely listening is called being ignorant. And if you know you’re doing it and have a big ego, that’s even worse. That’s called stupidity. I guarantee that if you listen more in your conversations, you’ll become a more open person and your relationships will improve. You’ll understand and see where others are coming from and they will notice that change in you. It may take time, but listening is just as important as talking.

MOKE DEFINITION (if needed): This is not the British slang for Donkey. I’m referring to mokes of Hawaii! A moke is basically a very local resident of Hawai’i, who most likely enjoys anything related to island-life.

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