Archive for the ‘ Mini Stories ’ Category

I HATE BEING POOR List

I’m purposely posting this in every category because it is 3:33 AM and this is pissing me off. If you don’t give a damn, just click Back. – Yea, I hate being poor. People say “Oh, Hawai’i! Must be awesome living there!” Umm… HELL NO it’s not. Especially in Salt Lake, there’s the military side and then the poor side – I happen to live on the poor side. People pay $1500 on average for a damn 2 bedroom apartment. People think money is important to me but it really isn’t. I’d just like to live comfortably. Here is a list of why I hate being a brokeass. Also, I don’t even swear but it tends to come out in my writing when I’m angry or trying to express myself. So sorry ahead of time for the colorful language.

  1.  I would like to be able to do things like I don’t know… go to the movies like once every couple months but nnnooooo. Or other kinds of recreational stufs.
  2.  I have a “father” who was supposed to send child support and he dnever did because he is a noncaring bitchass. Sadly, my mom is sending him child support although I haven’t lived with him for about 3 years now. He even claims me on taxes. Oh! His name is Christopher Ng. Yea, figured I’d mention it so everyone who reads this knows. NO SHAME. A lot of my writing mentions him nd his wife.
  3.  I get to walk around looking at people who have laptops and new shoes and update their phones every couple months, knowing I could only do that if I stole the shit. They take it for granted – all that $500+ shit they have. They even walk around complaining about their parents not giving them MORE shit. Shut the hell up dumbasses. At least you got a damn laptop and an iPad and whatever else. Stfu.
  4. I hate having excess “fend for yourself” nights in which I either don’t eat, or have to eat something cheap like saimin (AKA Ramen) or something.
  5. If say, a teacher says “You need to do this assignment on index cards and only index cards. I won’t be accepting anything else.” they don’t give a shit if you don’t have a ride. They don’t give a shit if you think using 2 bucks is better spent on some food. –__–
  6.  Once I get something new, people start telling me how I must have a lot of money. And I can only respond with “Yea… it only took me 2 years to finally get this $200 item.”
  7. When someone leaves something valuable at a bus stop or something and the person is still there, I tell them they forgot their -whatever it was-, secretly hoping one day someone will do the same for me. Or give me that valuable item. –__– IT KILLS TO DREAM.
  8. I can’t get anything for people’s birthdays. It makes me seem sssoooo selfish and noncaring but I honestly can’t afford anything. Last Birthday present I gave to someone (Jasmine) was a free DVD of the movie “Vampires Suck” currently unavailable on DVD.
  9. I can’t actually donate to different causes either. I’d like to donate to things like organizations that help people who suffered from abuse or something, but I can’t. So I just live on knowing I can’t help anyone because my poorness holds me back.
  10. I already mentioned that I can’t afford the expensive shit, but hell I can’t afford regular everyday stufs either. I know of people who claim to be poorer than me who at least have those channels like HBO or Cinemax or Starz or ShowTime. I don’t have those. People who claim to be poorer than me also magically tend to carry more money than me. Mhmm….. sure.
  11. EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE IS SPENT HOPING SOMETHING IS GOING TO CHANGE AND IT NEVER DOES. I DON’T HAVE A LIFE. I DON’T REMEMBER HAPPINESS. BUT I THINK LAST TIME I FELT HAPPY I MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE 7. IT’S BEEN 10 YEARS WHERE THE FUCK IS MY HAPPINESS?
  12. I’m a pretty easy person to please, but seriously I don’t understand why I have to suffer in literally every area of my life. I have nothing at all going good for me. Venting only works for the next couple hours and then I’m back to this feeling. this feeling that’s been throughout this entire post. Stopping here because I don’t want to end on 13.

THE CURE (MAYBE): I know of a simple remedy for this unhappiness- grow and smoke marijuana. I would ask for it medically, but I doubt anyone in my family would agree with me. They didn’t agree with Xanax either. Then again, marijuana is one of the most non-toxic medical substances. That just so happens to help with anxiety, depression, and chronic body pain (Hmm, these are my daily symptoms. Every minute of the day)……………………………………….. *sigh* LIFE SUCKS. FCK YOU LIFE! FIX ME!

Marisol vs. Christian Against Gays

If my own religion happens to matter in this, I don’t have one. However, my set of beliefs closely follows Confucianism. Closely follows because I disagree with that men are better than women thing. It’s vice versa. I would be in favor of a religion that is peaceful, where everyone is equal and my individuality is not limited in anyway. If you know that religion… HIT ME UP with what it is cuz that’s my religion. 😛

_

 Anyways, I brought up Pastor Martin Sempa in a conversation online. He is a pastor in Africa who preaches against homosexuality and claims that in the privacy of their bedroom, they “eat da poo poo” and fist each other. Person #1 responded by saying that not enough people preach against homosexuality. They believe that Christianity should be everywhere; in schools, and all because that is what God wanted (they say). Person #1 also said that they think being gay is a sin made by choice and is not a lifestyle as I suggested it was. They seemed to think that through accepting Jesus into their heart cured being gay. This was the end of the conversation, I regret that I couldn’t write down the whole thing. Before I get into it, before this dialogue happened, I asked if gays should have equal rights and they said no. I brought up that that was like saying a gay person can sit over there, but not here.

Person: I can’t help that homosexuals choose a sin that affects all aspects of their lives

Me: That signifies not being equal. And in that case, you think you’re better than a gay person? Only you deserve certain things?

Them: no I don’t think I’m better. I believe ALL sin should be against the law.

Me: Well, denying someone something you have would mean you think you’re better.

Them: but that wont happen and there will never be a perfect world. Which is why I’m looking forward to Heaven.

Me: Heaven won’t be perfect either.

Them: Heaven is perfect. God says it will.

Me: Thieves will still be there. Whores will still be there. Killers will still be there.

Them: nope. not unless they are saved. and they won’t be thieves and whores anymore.

Me: Can’t be perfect with imperfect people.

Them: “With God, all things are possible.”:)

Me: Nah… “With faith, all things are possible”

Them: U must not read your bible closely

Me: Just happens that this blind belief in God = a lot of faith.

Them: Then its the wrong version b/c mine says “With God, all things are possible.”

Me: Oh, I know it says that, but I believe its faith that makes things possible. Not God.

Them: well then my talking to u wont help u any

Me: I wasn’t looking for help, I was looking for understanding. No matter who I talk to, no one’s answer to why gays aren’t equal makes sense.

Them: u won’t get my understanding if u dont believe the Bible.

Me: I think the one thing Bible believers should so is admit they are ignorant about Hi. They haven’t met Him. They know his words, but everyone gets a different meaning out of it.

Them: umm didnt I say I didnt know all there was to know about God’s mind? (she didn’t)

Me: But that doesn’t mean everyone who reads it is correct if they believe different things from the SAME source. But yea, things have changed. God could have modernized himself. In the Bible it even says something against wearing 2 different kinds of materials.

Them: “God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.”

Me: But you don’t know everything about God’s mind. Bible was written in the past. Things change. And if you say no, then that indicates God knows the future and he knows all, and that means he knowingly made people gay.

Them: and u dont think God knew that and provided for it, huh?

Me: And then he knowingly condemned them from the beginning. Then again, we were made to glorify him.

Them: he gave them free will to decide. just b/c he knew what they will doesn’t mean he condemned them. They do it themselves.

Me: Gays are an abomination and should be put to death. Making mistakes proves His glory. He made them knowing what they would choose then. And that means … the same as I just said. Lol. I think he plans everyone’s lives then.

Them: And one day, saved or not, u will find out everything u wanted to know

Me: I remember someone saying that God tailored a life for me and that He is the master weaver and whatnot.

Me: I hope so. And I will debate longer than this to Him about it.

_

If you didn’t read the dialogue, at least read this part, lol. I know it was long.

This debate lasted about 2 hours and that was just about 20-30 minutes of it. I don’t believe in God, but I’ve always searched for an understanding of how he is so “awesome”… I don’t understand how He can say “If man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death and their blood shall be upon them.” isn’t condemning them from the beginning. I don’t understand how he supposedly made everyone equal and loves them like his own children, yet says things like this. I don’t understand how people think accepting Jesus cures people of what they like and don’t like. Like Wanda Sykes said, “How many people you know wake up and say, ‘Hmm, I think I’ma suck a dick today’?”. I also don’t understand how you can tell someone is gay from before they know what gay even means and still say its a choice. Really? A 3 year old just randomly decided to be gay? And you know what… I’ve never met ONE PERSON who could answer any of these questions and make sense.

Text Msg Convo with Sergio – Lol

Sergio: Ello!

Marisol: Vee ee!

Sergio: Oui oui!!

Marisol: LOL wth was that?

Sergio: It rhymed🙂

Marisol: Oui oui – LOL. But then it sounds like wee wee and that is a pee pee.  A ding ding. ._.

Sergio: Lol! Very nice rapping;)

Marisol: What was rapping? O.o

Sergio: Wee wee with pee pee.

Marisol: Wao so I just did some white rapping. Nd I’m not white! *panic* I should take some lessons in Blackness.

Sergio: Hahaha, what ethnicity are you?

Marisol: Hawaiian, Chinese, Spanish, Filipino. If it matters, I have some Moroccan… Nd that’s in Africa! 😀

Sergio: Yes dear it matters!! Wow so you have a bit of everything:)

Marisol: You put those smiley faces in the creepiest places. Omg, that rhymed too!

Sergio: Fine:( now more faces then.. And it did rhyme lol.

Marisol: Also, I don’t have everything. I lack whiteness. But then I think I make up for it with skin. ._.

Sergio: Haha, mm I like white meat so it’s all good.

Marisol: :O You didn’t need a smiley face to make that creepy. Anyways, I’ve always wanted to be browner. I’m like the whitest one in my family.

Sergio: Lol! Your so weird<3 I love it haha. Stand out in the beach more.

Marisol: Ooo! “It’s not weird.. it’s called having a personality” And I’m not a beach person. I’ll stay lite forever.

Sergio: Or it’s called “one time limited edition” *smiley face*

Marisol: Umm… I didn’t get that one. And the *smiley face* still counts as 🙂

Sergio:  That there is only one type of person like you silly! Does that mean I can do the smiley face instead of *smiley face*?

Marisol: I didn’t prohibit you from doing :), I just said it was creepy. If you wana be a creeper, go ahead! LOL.

Sergio: Yay!:) Will you still like me?? Lol.

Marisol: Will I still like you? Is this 1st grade?! If so, I’d probably slap you. I was mean back then iirc.

Sergio: Maaaybe it is.. iirc? New acronym alert!

Marisol: IIRC = If I Recall Correctly. And I decided I’m posting this convo on my site. It’s interesting.

Sergio: wsiidk, from like the first text??

Marisol: Yup. I’m posting it now. Feel free to comment lol. EXPOSED!

THE END.

Tough Grandma in a Black and White World

My grandma is the shit. I can honestly say I view my grandma as being one of the toughest people I know, which is way different from what most people can say about their grandmother. Being a teen mother who was neither black nor white, my grandma had more issues to deal with than the average person. It wasn’t only the discrimination of having a child at a young age that makes it hard for a young mother to make it in the world. All the labels society created did not have a place for Chinese or Hawaiians back then.

Despite the struggles she faced later in life, my grandma had a pretty simple, pleasant childhood. Growing up in Hawai’i, it was all about Summers. Working diligently on her aunty’s farm in Nanakuli, anxious for the reward; swimming at the beach. When there are 12 foot waves sometimes the reward isn’t worth it. I can’t imagine what went through my grandma’s head as the waves carried her further and further out to sea. The panic of seeing yourself drift backwards into the never ending ocean. Your view of people on the beach shrinking. The anxiety as you think of every possible result. And then finally, a cousin’s strong arms wrap around your feeble body and effortlessly swimming you back to shore.

At 16, grandma’s life changed forever. Ignorance led her to be happy about having a son. Most people think it is the end of the world when they discover they’re pregnant. Their social life goes out the window. Luckily, she didn’t have a social life outside of a relationship with her baby’s dad. Like most other young parents, they both wanted to get married. It was traumatic when her parents wouldn’t allow it. Grandma was only 16 and pregnant and they didn’t give a damn that her boyfriend enlisted in the Army to take care of them. It didn’t matter that it was the Vietnam War. The first love is always the worst.

On October 6, 1967, she gave birth to the cause of our recent hell; my “dad” Christopher. Born with a lot of allergies and very atrocious asthma, the doctor said that the weather in Hawai’i was not good for his health. They both relocated to Long Island, New York. First thing grandma did was find a job. There was no way in hell she was going to be homeless or on welfare. She ironically landed a job as a hula dancer in a Chinese restaurant with a Hawaiian flare. Unfortunately, her husband wasn’t a fan of dancing for money, regardless of the fact it paid good money for 4 hours of not working. The start of living in New York wasn’t going all that well.

The next job was at a laundry dry cleaning place. It just so happened that in the back, there was a bunch of baby frogs. My dad used to go and play with the frogs, sometimes bringing them all the way back home. Grandma doesn’t really like creatures so it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand how that went. He’d even throw rocks through the car windows at the auto body shop next door. Luckily, the owner was a nice guy and probably understood how hard it is to raise a rascal pain in the ass kid. Sometimes I can’t believe my grandma had the patience to take care of 8 units of rascal pain in the ass kids in a nut house.

Even working in the mall there was issues she had to deal with. As if there weren’t already enough problems everywhere else. Of course people all assumed her husband was her limo driver. As if there was something wrong with a handsome black man picking up a non-black woman at night. In general, she was considered white even with her brown skin. However, white people did not think of her as equal with brown skin. The blacks, who also had brown skin, didn’t really accept her either. There was no place for an Asian Hawaiian in a place so set in its wats of black and white. Unless they were being offered a job as a change girl at a Sahara hotel in Las Vegas. That seemed to be the only time that being a certain race or color didn’t matter. Even when she was going to attend mandatory marriage classes for the military to marry the father of her child, they kicked her out for being brown. She could never be Asian because some people wanted her to be white. Some people wanted her to be colored.

My grandma never gave up and never bent down to kiss anyone’s ass either. It was all about rolling with the punches. That’s what makes her tough. She didn’t dodge the punches, and didn’t pretend they never happened. She rolled with them. I give props to any woman who struggles but keeps going. Especially with all the men who think the reason their gender has been more in power is because they’re better. It may be easy to give up, but who would ever want to be a loser? Who would want to prove to someone else they’re weak?

Mom & Dad’s Poem

Mom

I remember Ben.

I know he used to hit you

I know he didn’t really like me.

It was all about my sister – his own child.

I know you think I don’t remember.

But I do remember

That day I left you,

when the policeman picked me up

To ask me…

If I wanted to live with you or my dad.

I didn’t know who “dad” was,

but I knew he was better at the time.

____________________

Dad

I remember the day you met Sheila.

You didn’t even come home

and we were going to report you missing.

I remember watching you change

as she took you away from me.

I thought I was supposed to come first.

That day driving in the car,

I remember telling you both that if it were

Me and Sheila…

You would pick her over your own daughter.

I remember that day I sat on your lap

and you told me you knew she was psycho.

I also remember the day you left me –

Or actually, she kicked me out.

And you just let her.

I never knew why I couldn’t have parents.

____________________

Mom and Dad

I remember a day not long ago

When I forgave both of you.

Mom, I’ve watched you change to the positive.

Dad, I’ve watched you turn abusive and forget me.

I’ve tried to do as people tell me

and forgive and forget.

But I just couldn’t do both.

So I forgave you.

And want you to meet me halfway

And forget.

____________________

And if this gets around and you guys read this:

  1. Dad, I love who you used to be. Everyone loved how you used to be. You’re not even a father. I hope one day you take the time to remember you have a daughter. And take the time to admit you were abusive. But when that happens, I’m sorry but I’m not going to be there. You weren’t here for me.
  2. Mom, I love who you became. And also, I think Jose is good for you.
  3. If you want me to take out the names because they’re REAL, sorry I’m not going to. Putting in fake names just makes it all a lie. Poetry is where I will only tell the truth.

Lack of Common Sense

So many people have no common sense. I remember when my “dad’s” wife tried to get rid of the hair on her face. The “Peach Fuzz”. She – like a dumbass- put Nair hair remover on her face like a face mask. After she was done and her face looked like a cherry, she actually was thoroughly surprised. I was LMAO. All I could think was “good for you, evil bitch” among other things. What surprised me was that as a result, she didn’t even have enough energy to go shopping and spend money. Spending money is her life!

Then there was my brother. *facepalm* His baby got sick and had a stuffy nose. So he proceeds to suck the kid’s nose. Using his mouth. Babies don’t have the same lung capacity as a grown human, so that wasn’t safe. But also… sucking boogers. Eww.

Last example. When I hear people say “I’m a half virgin” I don’t understand what exactly they’re thinking. They’ll say something like they were half dressed. Sorry guys, it doesn’t work like that. I’m pretty sure you can either be a virgin or a non-virgin. Or, you can say half-virgin and be an idiot. You can pick which one.

Dangers of an Asian Driver

Written November 17, 2009

Today, a car door opened. And when I looked inside, I saw the true dangers of walking across the street. On a freaking crosswalk. And that danger I saw was in the form of…. some dumb old Filipino lady! Munong! Whatever! Seriously, crosswalks are supposed to be there to create a sense of security when walking across a street filled with what my family would call “nondriving asses” who are steering potential death machines.

People should be able to cross the street safely on a crosswalk. Hence the term “crosswalk” was created. Not only that, but you can tell the nondriving asses to drive forward so the tire of their death machine can get off a Jasmine’s foot. And instead, they reverse and run over Jasmine’s foot again. I witness so much driver stupidity in one minute. If you can’t drive for shit, don’t drive for anyone else either. Including yourself. There are other ways of suicide that don’t endanger others. Thou shalt not kill because you are an Ignoramus.

ALSO… if you’re the one who got a foot run over or got hit, don’t just walk away limping and cussing. At least turn around to cuss at the person to their face. Try to get some compensation or something! Not pretend it all did not even happen.

Later that day, we went looking for this Filipino lady’s son. We eventually found him after questioning a wide range of people if they saw the kid wearing a hospital mask.  Or Michael Jackson publicity mask. Whichever you know it as. Anyways, he claims Jasmine “jumped in front of the car like a deer”? I was like… and excuse the language but I was thinking along the lines of “Bitch please.” Such denial. Or he was attempting to white-out his mom’s error. I sure hope the nondriving skills don’t run in the family. I’d be scared for my life if my family had a disorder that wouldn’t allow them to see people in the middle of the crosswalk.