Archive for the ‘ Poetry ’ Category

The Lie

Liquid lies ran from my eyes

Escaping through the windows of my soul.

In every crevice emotions were stored, out it poured.

I created a tidal wave.

One that drowned the hate at an alarming rate.

Bursting through me in every direction.

Ready to pop, but the pouring did not stop.

Streams, rivers, and lakes overflowed.

I’m apologetic now, before I was apathetic.

I sink below the surface, caught in the undertow

I don’t know what made us tell those lies —

“I love you” …… “I love you too”

I Feel Battered

I wrote this when I was like 12 I think. Goes to show how hopeless I was.

_

I feel… battered…

Like my heart was repeatedly

Pounded.. By the world.

I am pulverized… to nothing.

Nothing but dust.

Nothing anyone gives attention to.

Soliloquy does not help me…

Nor can the creaking door cell

in the storage room.

That is my everything.

I am left to perish… as nobody.

Unimportant.

When I die, no one shall care…

I’m only… the grass beneath your muddy boots.

Getting walked all over…

Unable to stand.

Though numbed… from the pain.

I feel… battered.

My View on the Seasons

Must be nice having real Winters….

You get to see everything so pure and white.

And so innocent looking.

Unlike yourself. 😛

You can fall back into the snow without the fear of pain.

And just… make snow angels!

Just to stand up and put footprints in it,

Comparing whose angel was more symmetrical.

Maybe even forming a ball to hurl at an unsuspecting neighbor.

Just for the hell of it!

Me — I don’t ever get to see the snow.

And TV is NOTHING like the real deal.

I can’t feel, taste, and experience a TV. Unless I’ma weirdo in a bad way.

People take it for granted.

Where I live, the weather never changes.

We don’t see Autumn

Or Spring.

Or Winter.

What we have is Summer 365 days a year.

When you’re deprived of something so simple,

It’s weird how it’s not really that simple anymore.

And to all the people who see all the seasons –

Oh man you guys are lucky.

You get to witness Earth as it changes and rearranges.

It’s like seeing an entire life span out.

You see when Earth is born.

You see Earth grow.

You see Earth die.

And you watch it repeat,

But do you see how significant that is?

Do you really see?

How beautiful it is?

I HATE BEING POOR List

I’m purposely posting this in every category because it is 3:33 AM and this is pissing me off. If you don’t give a damn, just click Back. – Yea, I hate being poor. People say “Oh, Hawai’i! Must be awesome living there!” Umm… HELL NO it’s not. Especially in Salt Lake, there’s the military side and then the poor side – I happen to live on the poor side. People pay $1500 on average for a damn 2 bedroom apartment. People think money is important to me but it really isn’t. I’d just like to live comfortably. Here is a list of why I hate being a brokeass. Also, I don’t even swear but it tends to come out in my writing when I’m angry or trying to express myself. So sorry ahead of time for the colorful language.

  1.  I would like to be able to do things like I don’t know… go to the movies like once every couple months but nnnooooo. Or other kinds of recreational stufs.
  2.  I have a “father” who was supposed to send child support and he dnever did because he is a noncaring bitchass. Sadly, my mom is sending him child support although I haven’t lived with him for about 3 years now. He even claims me on taxes. Oh! His name is Christopher Ng. Yea, figured I’d mention it so everyone who reads this knows. NO SHAME. A lot of my writing mentions him nd his wife.
  3.  I get to walk around looking at people who have laptops and new shoes and update their phones every couple months, knowing I could only do that if I stole the shit. They take it for granted – all that $500+ shit they have. They even walk around complaining about their parents not giving them MORE shit. Shut the hell up dumbasses. At least you got a damn laptop and an iPad and whatever else. Stfu.
  4. I hate having excess “fend for yourself” nights in which I either don’t eat, or have to eat something cheap like saimin (AKA Ramen) or something.
  5. If say, a teacher says “You need to do this assignment on index cards and only index cards. I won’t be accepting anything else.” they don’t give a shit if you don’t have a ride. They don’t give a shit if you think using 2 bucks is better spent on some food. –__–
  6.  Once I get something new, people start telling me how I must have a lot of money. And I can only respond with “Yea… it only took me 2 years to finally get this $200 item.”
  7. When someone leaves something valuable at a bus stop or something and the person is still there, I tell them they forgot their -whatever it was-, secretly hoping one day someone will do the same for me. Or give me that valuable item. –__– IT KILLS TO DREAM.
  8. I can’t get anything for people’s birthdays. It makes me seem sssoooo selfish and noncaring but I honestly can’t afford anything. Last Birthday present I gave to someone (Jasmine) was a free DVD of the movie “Vampires Suck” currently unavailable on DVD.
  9. I can’t actually donate to different causes either. I’d like to donate to things like organizations that help people who suffered from abuse or something, but I can’t. So I just live on knowing I can’t help anyone because my poorness holds me back.
  10. I already mentioned that I can’t afford the expensive shit, but hell I can’t afford regular everyday stufs either. I know of people who claim to be poorer than me who at least have those channels like HBO or Cinemax or Starz or ShowTime. I don’t have those. People who claim to be poorer than me also magically tend to carry more money than me. Mhmm….. sure.
  11. EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE IS SPENT HOPING SOMETHING IS GOING TO CHANGE AND IT NEVER DOES. I DON’T HAVE A LIFE. I DON’T REMEMBER HAPPINESS. BUT I THINK LAST TIME I FELT HAPPY I MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE 7. IT’S BEEN 10 YEARS WHERE THE FUCK IS MY HAPPINESS?
  12. I’m a pretty easy person to please, but seriously I don’t understand why I have to suffer in literally every area of my life. I have nothing at all going good for me. Venting only works for the next couple hours and then I’m back to this feeling. this feeling that’s been throughout this entire post. Stopping here because I don’t want to end on 13.

THE CURE (MAYBE): I know of a simple remedy for this unhappiness- grow and smoke marijuana. I would ask for it medically, but I doubt anyone in my family would agree with me. They didn’t agree with Xanax either. Then again, marijuana is one of the most non-toxic medical substances. That just so happens to help with anxiety, depression, and chronic body pain (Hmm, these are my daily symptoms. Every minute of the day)……………………………………….. *sigh* LIFE SUCKS. FCK YOU LIFE! FIX ME!

Untitled

Alone together, I strip

Plush defense mechanisms fall to my slender ankles.

Hot & Steamy. . . . .

Eyes locked shut, ready to submerse

Succulent lips part as the saturation starts.

Innocence explodes as naughty thoughts implode,

Water dripping down a coke-bottle figure,

Sweet aroma permeating my nose.

Soft caresses, spiked with imagination.

Exposed body, decisive but slow.

Confined in privacy; secluded.

Secretive curtains shielding sins.

Feminine hands gently pull luscious waist length hair.

Smooth skin beckoning for satisfaction.

Unwilling to submit to a macabre end,

I tame the beast, banish the demon.

Time well spent awakens the silence.

What a refreshing release of emotions.

Yup…. I like taking showers. ^^

_

P.S. Can someone help me title this poem with something that doesn’t make the ending obvious? –___–

Soul Sister~

Assignment: Write a text message to someone you really like or admire. I didn’t have either of those. -___-

To Jasmine

Hey soul sister~ lmao

I still think its weird how we say random shiz

at the same time..

stop reading my mind, soul sister!

We aren’t related but there is something

that connects us.

So I’ll always love you, not as a friend,

but more like my sister.

_

P.S. Jasmine… do you have a copy of yours? Put it up. Lol.

Interview… With Sheila

 

What did I ever do?

What makes you hate me so?

What is it that makes you push me to and fro?

Was it something I did? Was it something I said?

That makes you think I’d be better off dead?

Do you just enjoy hurting me? Is that what it is?

You want to kill me and watch my blood fizz?

Why don’t you tell me why I was never good enough?

Straight A’s, popular, played sports, AND I was tough.

Are you jealous that some people think I’m naturally beautiful?

Well guess what? You could have been if you weren’t so hateful…